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June 30, 2009
Hate To Be the One to Tell Ya...
Reason #3 for “keeping it light..”
Geezer Monday
The way it was (back when it really wasn't..)
June 28, 2009
Inspirational Sunday
Crop circle at Star Market.
June 27, 2009
Big Mattress Song of the Week (6/29-7/5)
“Create a drum sound that no one had ever heard before...”
Originally named Big Mattress Song of the Week in February of 1983, this song would probably make any serious music-lover's top 100 songs in all of music history. (Lyrics below.)
This video of highest expectations was taped shortly before the news hit the wires.
She Was More Like A Beauty Queen From A Movie Scene
I Said Don't Mind, But What Do You Mean I Am The One
Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round
She Said I Am The One Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round
[2nd Verse]
She Told Me Her Name Was Billie Jean, As She Caused A Scene
Then Every Head Turned With Eyes That Dreamed Of Being The One
Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round
[Bridge]
Mama Always Told Me Be Careful Of What You Do
And Don't Go Around Breaking Young Girls' Hearts
And Mother Always Told Me Be Careful Of Who You Love
And Be Careful Of What You Do 'Cause The Lie Becomes The Truth
[Chorus]
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son
[3rd Verse]
For Forty Days And Forty Nights
The Law Was On Her Side
But Who Can Stand When She's In Demand
Her Schemes And Plans
'Cause We Danced On The Floor In The Round
So Take My Strong Advice, Just Remember To Always Think Twice
(Do Think Twice)
[4th Verse]
She Told My Baby That's A Threat
As She Looked At Me
Then Showed A Photo Of A Baby Cries
Eyes Would Like Mine
Go On Dance On The Floor In The Round, Baby
[Bridge]
People Always Told Me Be Careful Of What You Do
And Don't Go Around Breaking Young Girls' Hearts
She Came And Stood Right By Me
Then The Smell Of Sweet Perfume
This Happened Much Too Soon
She Called Me To Her Room
[Chorus]
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One, She Says He Is My Son
She Says I Am The One
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
June 26, 2009
Weekend News for da Kids
Three is Enough
Ed McMahon
Farah Fawcett
Michael Jackson
RIP
Mind-boggling news week, eh?
(whew!)
June 24, 2009
Thought for Thursday
Car in front slow off the line when light turns green?
Honk loudly at your own risk!
Freaky Friday
AN OPIN LETTER TO THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA
-by Duane Ingalls Glasscock
Dear Evrybody:
My name is Duane Glasscock and I am here to tell you stuff that you dont want to hear but you shood anyways.I cant say to much because I dont want to be wrong to badly and seem like a conspearasy nut. So,I will just ask you in the form of questiuns and you do the math:
1. If some people in high places decide that something bad has to happen in order to save America, who would be involved, where would they do the planning and how would they get away with it?
2. If some of those people were planning something really big and really ugly, where would they all meet to stratagise?
3. What excuse would they use in order to be away at this meeting for a long period of time and who else would be with them at this meeting that we don't know personaly or publicly- (kind of “behind the scene” guys- if u catch my drift...)
4. Where do high-up people with strongly opposite points of view go in order to set any “save our government” plans in motion?
5. How many Secret Service Agents does it take to protect someone who many think is the most dangerous man in America?
Just sayin'......
June 22, 2009
Big Mattress Song of the Week (6-22/6-28)
سنگ ال Casbah
Geezer Monday • Testosterone Tuesday • Estrogen Wednesday
Bingo Party at Chippendales
NOT FAMILY FRIENDLY • NOT WORK FRIENDLY!
If you click here, you and you alone are responsible.
(You have been duly warned...)
Macho Thursday: Bring in the New
It's fairly useless right now, but sure looks (and acts) real good!
FA22 next to F15
June 21, 2009
Fathers' Day Prayer
"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,
Amen."
June 19, 2009
Inspirational Saturday
Where you will end up if you don't do your homework assignments. You in three years.
June 18, 2009
Boycott Olive Garden
.... and tell them it's not because their lasagna rollatini sauce sucks..
Dear Olive Garden:
Okay, okay- so you say your mom loves the food there too much; or you still have some free gift certificates left and you can't go along with the boycott at this time (or you hate Letterman's show anyways..(sic) Well, maybe you can do your part by clicking here and stirring up a little international trouble.
Mars Wants to Know
Should there be new criterion for cheating, swine politicians?
Should it all depend on whether she's hot or not...?
If she's not-
Republican or Democrat- skewer him! (Newt Gingrich, Bill Clinton, Wilber Mills, Lyndon Johnson, John Ensign, Prince Charles, etc.): The wrath of Morality Karma upon you, Sirs!!
If she's hot-
Republican or Democrat- Give him a high five and a pass- and move on, for God's sake!
(Gary Hart, L.A.Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, J.F.K. R.F.K. Silvio Berlusconi )
(As for John Edwards, jury out until better pics available..).
June 17, 2009
Geezer Monday • Testosterone Tuesday • Estrogen Wednesday
It's not what you say- it's what you mean:
Big Mattress Song of the Week (6-15/6-20)
Sometimes Van Morrison just isn't in the mood. And on those nights his shows can suck. But most of the time he's really good in concert. Like the night in April 1970 when, totally wasted, he played Fillmore West and sang this version of his classic Cypress Avenue.
Click on the red button upper right column of the main page only once please and you can listen while you browse.
Lyrics to song below. (Note that the lyrics Morrison sings are quite different than the actual lyrics below. Substituting the phrase “in all your revelation” for “so young and bold, fourteen years old.“ (He must have known something Letterman didn't, four decades later...)
Also, just to let you know: I had planned to make this Song of the Week a week before the Letterman/Palin controversy occurred...)
And I'm caught one more time
Up on Cyprus Avenue
And I'm caught one more time
Up on Cyprus Avenue
And I'm conquered in a car seat
Not a thing that I can do
I may go crazy
Before that mansion on the hill
I may go crazy
Before that mansion on the hill
But my heart keeps beating faster
And my feet can't keep still
And all the little girls rhyme something
On the way back home from school
And all the little girls rhyme something
On the way back home from school
And the leaves fall one by one by one by one
Call the autumn time a fool
Yeah baby my tongue gets tied
Every every every time I try to speak
My tongue gets tied
Every time I try to speak
And my inside shakes just like a leaf on a tree
I think I'll go on by the river with my cherry cherry wine
I believe I'll go walking by the railroad with my cherry cherry wine
If I pass the rumbling station where the lonesome engine drivers pine
And wait a minute, yonder comes my lady
Rainbow ribbons in her hair
Yonder comes my lady
Rainbow ribbons in her hair
Six white horses and a carriage
She's returning from the fair
Baby, baby, baby
And if I'm caught one more time
Up on Cyprus Avenue
And if I'm caught one more time
Up on Cyprus Avenue
And I'm conquered in a car seat
And I'm looking straight at you
Way up on, way up on, way up on....
The avenue of trees
Keep walking down
In the wind and the rain, darling
You keep walking down when the sun shone through the trees
Nobody, no, no, no, nobody stops me from loving you baby
So young and bold, fourteen years old
Baby, baby, baby...
June 15, 2009
A Simple (and maybe naive) Solution to the Immigration Issue
How would I solve the current Immigration problem?
First of all, I am still drinking the Kool-Aid, so I would trust whatever Obama eventually will decide to do.
That said-
If it had to be ME to make a decision.... Well.... put it this way...
If I were a Dictator, I think I could solve the problem really quickly and simply:
1. I would make all aliens currently in this country (legal and illegal) eligible for full American citizenship immediately. They could all register and get ID's and be legalized- or at least have their apps officially in hand-until a specific future date, like say, August or September 1, 2009 . (This would piss off hard-hats, hard-heads and conservatives like C.N.N.'s Lou Dobbs, but it would be a short-term inconvenience and a long-term solution)
2. As of that designated date, say August 2nd 2009 or 2010, any alien without the proper papers and identification would be deported. Moreover,
3. Any Individuals working for any corporation, company, private individual, or firm responsible for hiring illegal aliens after the amnesty date would be subject to heavy fines and/or imprisonment.
4. Any and all illegals would be deported, and anyone crossing our borders illegally would be deported- plus, anyone helping them would be felons and subject to fine and imprisonment. Farms and companies who require undocumented immigrant workers would have to apply for any exceptions ahead of time and be held responsible for the workers whom they hire.
5. Revert back to the immigration quotas of the 1950's and allow a specific and well-thought out annual quota of aliens to enter America and to become citizens- just the way (all of you reading this) your grandfathers and great grandfathers did (back when they were being called Wops, Micks, Niggers, Kikes and good-for-nothing immigrants taking American jobs and bringing down property values).
(See? Everything changes, but it stays the same!)
5. Fill in the blanks here ________for any additional regulations on how to do this procedurally and fairly- (I am only an ex radio-guy. Any comments suggesting a Berlin Wall or a giant electric fence will be ignored. This is not Russia, North Korea, China or East Germany.)
June 14, 2009
Geezer Monday • Testosterone Tuesday • Estrogen Wednesday
It's not what you say- it's what you mean:
Inspirational Sunday
Just When You Thought Obama had it Nailed..
Read and weep:
“Democrats are complicit in building up Gingrich and Limbaugh as the main spokesmen for the Republican Party, since Obama polls so much better than both of them. But the media play an independent role by regularly treating far-right views as mainstream positions and by largely ignoring critiques of Obama that come from elected officials on the left.”
June 13, 2009
Ignoring the possibility that the Sky Really May Be About to Fall
The one unfolding drama that could make every other news story go away for a long, long time:
The U.N. Security Council authorized U.N. member states to inspect North Korean sea, air and land cargo, requiring them to seize and destroy shipped goods that violate the sanctions.
“We'll take firm military action if the United States and its allies try to isolate us.”
June 12, 2009
Fun-filled Weekend
Open Advice to David Letterman
This silly “knocked up”story has more legs than it deserves and has re-energizing the once almost-dead Palin campaign.
David- Your writers screwed up. You told the right joke at the right time about the wrong kid. Offer a complete, no-nonsense, mea culpa apology tonight and END this fiasco now- before Saran and Todd exploit it to the point where she is back in the running again. PuLeeze!
June 11, 2009
Friday Flick Update
So many movies... So little time..
June 8, 2009
Need Caption
Carla and Michelle
Testosterone Tuesday
(It's all I could come up with this week. Sorry, felluhs!)
Big Mattress Song of the Week (6-8/6-15)
Roger Waters and Eric Clapton combine forces for this classic masterpiece. (click red button top right main page to hear while you check out the rest of this week's posts:) 5.01 AM (The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking)
(Lyrics click below)
5.01 AM (The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking)
An angel on a Harley
Pulls across to greet a fellow rolling stone
Puts his bike up on it's stand
Leans back and then extends
A scarred and greasy hand...he said
How ya doin bro?...where ya been?...where ya goin'?
Then he takes your hand
In some strange Californian handshake
And breaks the bone
Have a nice day
A housewife from Encino
Whose husband's on the golf course
With his book of rules
Breaks and makes a 'U' and idles back
To take a second look at you
You flex your rod
Fish takes the hook
Sweet vodka and tobacco in her breath
Another number in your little black book
These are the pros and cons of hitchhiking
These are the pros and cons of hitchhiking
Oh babe, I must be dreaming
I'm standing on the leading edge
The Eastern seaboard spread before my eyes
"Jump" says Yoko Ono
"I'm too scared and too good looking" I cried
"Go on", she says
"Why don't you give it a try?
Why prolong the agony all men must die"
Do you remember Dick Tracy?
Do you remember Shane?
And mother wants you
Could you see him selling tickets
Where the buzzard circles over
Shane
The body on the plain
Did you understand the music Yoko
Or was it all in vain?
Shane
The bitch said something mystical "Herro"
So I stepped back on the kerb again
These are the pros and cons of hitchhiking
These are the pros and cons of hitchhiking
Oh babe, I must be dreaming again
These are the pros and cons of hitchhiking
June 7, 2009
Inspirational Sunday
Ralph Waldo Emerson once asked what we would do if the stars only came out once every thousand years.
“No one would sleep that night, of course. The world would become religious overnight. We would be ecstatic, delirious, made rapturous by the glory of God.Instead, the stars come out every night and we watch television.”
- Paul Hawken, from Commencement Speech, May 2009
June 5, 2009
Hey Dude: Sign on the dotted line.
Opinion polls show that the overwhelming majority of Americans believes that all U.S. citizens should have the freedom to travel to Cuba.
If you agree, please sign here. If not- no puro para usted, mi amigo.
(thanks to h for this)
The Parallax View
The 9-year-old girl had been raped by her father. She was 18 weeks pregnant. Carrying the baby to term, going through labor and delivery, would have ripped her small body apart. So you're the great decider- Who do you call?
(Not anymore).
June 4, 2009
eHorrorMatch.com has found you a potential life partner
“What I want to know is, what was that suspicious rope doing tied around Carradine's genitals?”
Friday Funny
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: “Rome ? Why would
anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?!!!" exclaimed the hairdresser. " “That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's
gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump... So, what are your plans when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
“That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this
lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came back in for a hairdo."
The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome . "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.”
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope.""Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"
He said, "Who fucked up your hair?”
June 3, 2009
Testostrogen Thursday
Minnesota TV Winner
.. but can she cook?
June 1, 2009
Some Things Never Change..
Political cartoon from 1934.