the Big Mattress - Freeform Interactive Radio on the Net

Subject: No School Left Standing

In response to President Bush's federal "No Child
 Left Behind Act" (NCLB), it is proposed that students
 will have to pass a test in order to be promoted to the next
 grade level.
    In the hope that this proposal will be uniformly
 adopted by all of the states as well as in Iowa, the
 new test will be called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test, or FART.
    All students who cannot pass a FART in the second
 grade will be re-tested in Grades 3, 4, and 5 until
 they are capable of passing a FART score of 80%.
    If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5,
 that student shall be placed in a separate English
 program known as the Special Mastery Elective for
 Learning Language, or SMELL.
    If, with this increased SMELL program, the student
 cannot pass the required FART test, he or she can
 still graduate to middle school by taking another one
 semester course in Comprehensive Reading and
 Arithmetic Preparation, or CRAP.
    If by age fourteen the student cannot FART, SMELL,
 or CRAP, he or she can earn promotion in an intensive
 one-week seminar known as the Preparatory Reading for
 Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students, or PRUNES.
    It is the opinion of the Department of Instruction
 for Public Schools (DIPS) that an intensive week of
 PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL, or
 CRAP.
    This revised provision of the student component of
 the House Bill 101 should help "clear the air" once and for all
in regards to the 'No School Left Standing' Act.