Blog Tribute to R.D.
Ten jokes by Rodney Dangerfield:
1. Mother never breast-fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a
friend.
2. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a
radio.
3. When I was a kid, I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the
kidnappers sent my parents a note, it said, "We want $5,000 or you'll see
your kid again.
4. I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great-uncle fought
for the West.
5. When I was a kid, I turned to crime. I was so stupid, I picked a guy's
pocket in an airplane and made a run for it.
6. I'm a very bad lover. I caught a Peeping Tom booing at me.
7. My wife is the worst cook in the world. In my house, you pray after you
eat.
8.I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I
swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and
get some rest.
9. I got no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician, I
would be honest.
10. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
The New York Times, 10/10/04
Comments
My wife is so fat, I ran into her with my car. She said, Why didn't you got around me and I said, I didn't think I had enough gas.
The best example of trust there is, is two cannibals having oral sex.
I'll tell you I'm a lousy lover. I made love to this girl on the first date and she started crying and I said don't cry you'll hate yourself in the morning and she said, I hate myself right now.
In my memoirs, I will write a chapter about my three weeks on the road with Rodney (Jack Roy) in my first job at Casablanca. Rodney had done a comedy album and we went on the road to promote it at radio. He was a funny bastard in a really dysfunctional kind of way but still a loveable guy.
Posted by: zircon john | October 14, 2004 8:13 PM
I'll tell you, I was such an ugly baby, the doctor slapped my mother.
I was so ugly, my old man kept the picture of the kid who came with the wallet.
I went to my Dr. Vinnie Boombats and I said I wanted a vasectomy. He said with a face like yours you don't need one.
I was so ugly my mother breast fed me through a straw.
I picked up a hooker and said I wanted some hot sex and she said not on the first date.
I got no respect as a kid. I worked in a pet store and people would come and ask how big I was gonna get.
Posted by: zircon john | October 14, 2004 8:34 PM
"My wife is so dumb it takes her an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes"
Posted by: stevieray | October 16, 2004 4:13 AM