the Big Mattress - Freeform Interactive Radio on the Net

Charles John "Ballsy" Laquidara died Wednesday November 24, 2063 when he reached the Constitutional Age Limit of 125 years. A patient-pioneer in the Self-Cloning for Spare Parts movement, Mr. Laquidara was a survivor of four heart transplants, two liver transplants, five double-testicular transplants (for which he earned his nickname), and a transplant of both wrist joints. (Common to island dwellers, this last "shaka transplant" is needed when wrist joints are worn out by many years of giving the thumb-and-pinky-out, "hang loose" sign.)

Famous for his sixty years of blogging on RadioWaveX.com, Charles was also a pioneer in broadcast radio before it was replaced with Netcasting. His Big Mattress radio show caused much excitement in its time, and although it wound up being just a footnote in a long and varied career, it was this show which first made him a household name, and foreshadowed his later entree into serious political activism.

The Presidential Elections of 2004 were the true catalyst to Laquidara's political endeavors. With George Bush's highly contested defeat of John Kerry, Laquidara joined with billionaire George Soros to start the Uproot Bush movement which turned into secession proceedings for first Hawaii and eventually every state in the union except Texas and Florida, leading to Bush's resignation in November of 2006.

With the ensuing election of President Hilary Clinton came Laquidara's appointment as Ambassador to Rangoon, and his success there led later to his appointment as Czar of All That is Supremely Fucked Up, an office created for and designed by Laquidara to address issues too controversial to be addressesd by elected officials. His ten year reign as the nation's first CATSFU is regarded by many as a golden era of bipartisan cooperation, passing landmark anti-smoking, anti-pothole, and anti-annoying-waiters-asking-if-you-need-change initiatives and creating the Childbirth Pill, a prescription required by couples wishing to conceive, which ended the abortion debate forever.

Laquidara's lifestyle and diet books are consistently on the best seller list, his line of healthy, instant foods are ubiquitous and his yogawear for men is popular in European cultures which don't mind leaving little to the imagination.

He will be missed.

J.D. Brummer

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